OH, NOT YOU AGAIN!!!

U HAUL

2007-07-20T14:39:00.001+01:00

i been many places
seen many faces
got me believeing, we really living in the matrix

Those are the opening bars to a track that should feature on my album. Yes. I am working on my album. Finally, you might say but I say it all boils down to timing. I'm never late in my opinion. You can refer to my interview a while back on Simply For Us and see how far (or not) I've come along.

Anyway, this blog really seems like a spot to drop an update every other month. So, here it is, in the swan song post (or not, after all, i am a rapper, retiring and unretiring is part of the game) on this blog. What has McRanter been up to?

Now work in advertising as a Copy Writer. If you don't know what that means, the cheeky answer would be that I write copy. Wotitis though is, I write scripts and text for adverts i.e. radio, TV, billboard, magazine, newspaper, poster, flier etc I also come up with creative suggestions for ad campaigns. Interesting, eh? It's with a company called ZK Advertising and our major client is Celtel Nigeria. I have so far had only two radio spots aired but more to come. Possibly TV soon. Watch this space (or the one I direct you to).

I made my theater debut as Timon in the Lion King @ the MUSON Center. It was serious fun and should be back on for 4 more shows in November, GOD willing! There's some (poor) footage on youtube (Type superdonchi in the search box, then click on the superdonchi link. Those are the only uploaded videos on there) for your viewing (dis)pleasure.

I've fallen in love thrice (twice with the same girl) and love sucks even more now. I'm in limbo right now, just hanging on and in there.

I've been in talks with quite a number of people for a few projects i am excited about, so will keep you posted.

Anyway, on to the real reason for this post.

Thinking about it, 10 blogs wasn't too much... twas frigging ridiculous! Even I couldn't keep up. So now, I am cutting down to just 2 (possibly 3 if I keep this one alive) to make life easier for everybody.

So, C3: Chichi's Classic Cock-Ups survives and a new blog, Oh Blogger, Where @ Thou which is where I'll blog from now on. The address is http://realblogmarley.blogspot.com/ (imagine how chuffed I was to find out blogmarley was unavailable. SCANDAL!)

So peoples, do the damn thing.

Blog Marley out like Transformers! Go see it!

PS - Notice how I'm trying to act tough like I ain't sad I'm losing my darling blogs! :'( They will be forever in my heart and can be in yours as well. Just click on the links at any time and enjoy.

Personally, these are my favorite children. Enjoy... or not!

Dudes Night Out
http://2daleft.blogspot.com/2006/11/aida.html

Thisday Music Festival
http://ebrief.blogspot.com/2006/10/thisday-music-festival-october-7th-8th.html

24/7 J-O-B
http://2daleft.blogspot.com/2006/06/who-says-dating-aint-hard-work.html

Weddings?
http://2daleft.blogspot.com/2006/06/circus-is-coming-to-town.html

Top Dawgs
http://choochoochi.blogspot.com/2006/08/calling-dr-dre-ed-lover.html

Relationships
http://2daleft.blogspot.com/2006/06/relationships.html

The baddest Chick!
http://abzerd.blogspot.com/2006/10/bad-ass-chick.html

Cinema Displeasure
http://donchichi.blogspot.com/2006/08/return-of-mc-ranter.html

You fool!
http://classiqchi.blogspot.com/2006/06/death-of-common-sense.html

Jay-Z
http://ebrief.blogspot.com/2006/06/tribute-to-career-of-one-shawn-corey.html

Kingdom Come Overview
http://ebrief.blogspot.com/2006/11/jay-zs-kingdom-come-overview.html

Kingdom Come Review
http://ebrief.blogspot.com/2006/11/jay-zs-kingdom-come-review.html

Got milk?
http://abzerd.blogspot.com/2006/06/got-milk.html

You da man, huh?
http://circlechichi.blogspot.com/2006/06/el-stupido.html

"only you chichi" update

2007-04-19T17:40:00.000+01:00

what's up blogheads?

thanks for the response on my "pre-mature" return but like I said, a few things been going on with BM but I will drop some heat soonish. Chuuch!

there was an extra piece attached to that blog tho but most said they didn't catch it. i put in a link as bribery for my disrespect for blogspot so returned with 2 instead of one piece.

it's a classic cock up like only chichi do. here's the link - C3 for '03 + 4 years.

Enjoy... or not!

BM out like... something!

uh, may i come in please?

2007-03-28T15:56:00.000+01:00

You know what? Oh, you do? How is he? It’s been a minute since I last saw him. Is he okay? That’s good to know. What, what!

Okay, enough silliness. That’s just me trying to be cute, hoping you would just let me slide without chastisement. (Wow. That word is actually correct). So before I apologize (for the umpteenth time – maybe we should kill Blog Marley and christen The Ablogogizer, eh), let me tell you a story.

Story, story… once upon a time… hold up! What exactly does that mean though? Once upon a time? Upon a time? Thank GOD olde English is just that – OLDE! What, were stories told standing on a sundial or something? Was once upon a time the equivalent of: “this one time, at band camp?” Somebody throw this dawg a bone gaddamit. Once upon my arse… uh… I take that back. My rear tunnel is a single lane, one way highway. Shit come out but didley go in. So ain’t a dang thing upon my arse… heck, even my jeans sag ridiculously!

See how I done did it again? Taking y’all round the bend, hoping you don’t notice I been gone for too long and just igging my absence. No such luck, eh? Drat and double drat. (Word to Dick Dastardly). Anyways, I believe I have quite a bit of explaining to do. So bear with me (if you still care about me and what I have to say (write) anymore, that is) as I take you down a long, winding (often boring) road to where BM been man. Is you ready? Well here we go…

Actually, hold on. Maybe it’s some fings I should say first, yeah? Get off my chest like some unwanted hair on a chick. Alright, alright. That’s just what I’ma do. Truth be told, I was supposed to go blonkers (bonkers with the blog) in ’07 but like Stevie Wonder’s experiences (unforeseen circumstances), I didn’t see it coming. What is “it”? I dunno but I do know “it” came! I had typed up juice. You know, a hot mess of fresh garbage like only I can cook up. Man, I was on fire (just like in my plea-cock up to accompany this post) like Shedrach, Meshak and Abednigo dawg, for real. Blogspot was about to get HOT after I lit that ass on fire (word to Busta)!

So what happened? Well, my laptop hard drive - with all the info I had typed on it – crashed, I got laid off (no more free internet access), I fell in love then fell in love (two different meanings, think slowly, it'll come) but most importantly, I got tired of blogspot. Why, you might ask? Well, because like everything man gets his filthy hands on, blogspot got compromised. It got mistooken for hi5 or myspace or some shit: I don’t surf the net, no I’ve never been on myspace/too busy letting my voice vibrate/carving out my space/in this world of fly girls/cutthroats and diamond cut ropes I twirls (Word to Hov) and everybody and they mama’s mama’s gynecologist wanted to be Blog Dylan… WHAT DA BLOG, MAN? Sorry. Had to vent. Don’t get me wrong though. Blogging is not my birthright in anyway but I just felt it was getting overcrowded and people were taking the Mickey Rourke. Ah well, who am I to talk? Am I your Ambassador? Does Blog Marl rep for the peoples? Holla @ me blogheads. Do I hold you down? To paraphrase “The N” to make his words mine: when was the last time you read a real blog man/Marl, millionaire in the making/when was the last time you read your boy Marl’s writes?/never on schedule but always on time! AND YOU KNOW THIS BLOGGIES! You knows you know! Anyhoo, lemme run you thru, what it is the boy do while you thinking he abandon-ded you. Woooooo! If blogspot should die before I wake/I'll go through every system, wreck the PC (pronounce P-Say) (Word to Esco).

Chrismuss Holidays
Did one up on Hugh Grant and ‘em but thankfully, nobody kicked the bucket. Did 9 weddings in 3 weeks people. Twas crazy but ya boy is nice with his: throw on a suit get it tapered up! (Word to Hov) Scary thing is, many of them were childhood friends walking the green mile, leaving young in the dust. I think my A game is on the way. In the container. On the high seas. Uwatago (or how ever me pops peoples spells dat ish – one of my new fave words by the way)? My boy Rotimi, best friend for years, did the do and we had us a real talk hours to the showdown. Words of wisdom man, trust! Then during the (awful) best man speech, me and my boy let the waterworks go. Sad but true (I swear I was acting, ask Oyinkan – cop out not working, eh?).
What else happened? Been a while you see. Okay. The lost suitcases. One of Timi’s groom’s men, Sam, 1st time back home in 9 years didn’t get his bags at all. We did some emergency contingency to sort that out though and it all worked out. He flew out of Portland on (I wanna say) Pacific to San Fran where Northwestern flew him to Amsterdam before KLM completed the Lagos run. Long tin, eh? Understandable (but highly unforgivable) why his bags coulda played truant.
The aforementioned Oyinkan, a busy bee during the period – her sister’s Chief Bride’s Maid, her girl Abi’s Maid of Honor and on the train for Timi’s wedding – had her bags get in late but thankfully, she only missed duties for Timi’s wedding which was the least (I don’t want to say important) tasking on her but she still looked pretty hot and tasty on his day regardless, and no it’s not ogede.
Abi’s bride’s maids stuff came in late but on time. My darling tp had to wait bout a week and she was here for under 2. My bro’s wife got her first of two suitcases when she went to check in the newly acquired one as she was leaving. The second came when she had gone back to the aeroport to leave. Lovely holiday, eh?
I swear my bags got missing too. Your bags ke? But Chichi, you didn’t go anywhere… I know! That’s because my bags were missing!!!

Didn’t go out much like is the case these days. Went to Bacchus twice after swearing never to do so again but Mr. Yozi (who swore the swear too) put it in perspective. “We wanna be where the babes are, right?” Right. “And every babe you ask is going where?” Right. Point. Solution? SOMEONE START A FRIGGIN’ ESCORT AGENCY IN THIS TOWN! Kidding… but seriously. No, joking. (call me). There was an outing that changed (well, restructured) my outlook on life and habits. It was the Sofola’s annual Christmas Throw down, which yours truly helped jump-off way back 99 (8 years and still going strong behotcheez. What?) I had a bit of a freehand in the proceedings (READ: access to booze). The epiphany will be revealed later in this blog (word to Yozi – ass!)

Few times I did go out, some interesting things did go on like people recognizing me from my blog!!! WHAT DA BLOG? My blog has no face dude! But peeps would be like, "I know who you are. I read your blog." Serious head trip there. And it still goes on today with people asking me to come back so here I am, blogging again my friends. Thanks to supporters and tolerizers (Chineduuuuuuuu - English, haba) of my ranting. I will try not to let you down. Now STAND UP!!!

I’m sure I’ve forgotten a lot but it’s been a while and you’re probably bored by now. Ah well. I progress still. I did get to see a lot of old friends I hadn’t in a while which was really great. A good feeling. Reconnected with my Fairy Blog Mother, the milklady, always pretty, always smiling and do believe I did think of pouring her all over my cereal (did I type that out loud?). The oft mentioned Oyinkan. I guess you can tell I was really happy to see her. To be honest, I didn’t think I would. Papa Atte came down with that Lie-Sess-Tar fresh. Hung with my boys Osagie & Isi. My girl Isi. A whole bunch of new old faces if you catch my drift. You know what I just realized? Like you actually care who I saw. GOSH! I’m such a chick!

I finally, as in, FINALLY, after 20 sumtin odd years on GOD’s (once) green earth, I took a trip down to my roots on the Eastside! First time ever. I wish the circumstances could have been different though but we thank GOD regardless. I accompanied my friends out there to bury their father. It was a solemn occasion but we all managed to have a good time through it all: nobody will fall cuz everyone will be each other’s crutches (word to Hov). I was in my dad’s hometown, Umuahia (I’m from the corner of Cameron & Gerard in Ikoyi personally) but didn’t make it to his village of Umuekwule, Afungiri. Deep, eh? We landed in Enugu, drove to Abia to meet De Gov’nor. A few days later, I went to Calabar and we finally flew back through Owerri. So I did see a bit of the East, eh?

Love
Ne-Yo and Lionel Richie are prophets. Listen (read): maybe I don’t know what love is, maybe I’m a fool/I just know what I’m feeling and it’s all because of you/don’t tell me, I don’t know, I want the truth/cuz they call it, we call it, you call it, I call it love. Until now, I didn’t know how fitting this song was but by George. Well, they say love is blind, so I must have been Stevie Wonder (again) and Ray Charles’ love child. Things were meant to go swimmingly well. Romantically or platonically. Hi. My name is Titanic. Hers? Iceberg. On both fronts. The writing was on the wall but I fooled myself I lived behind a white picket fence. To say I was crushed by the crushing feeling I have endured thanks to my crush (who I didn’t crush, mind) is a statement that has been crushed – an under-statement, geddit? No details. Just summaries. Isn’t this great, her flight lands at 8/we’ll have fun, wine and dine/in due time we’ll rewind. That wasn’t what happened. It was more like: Who you be? Where you dey? Who dey come? Where him from? Wetin him talk? Who dey yan? Who dey hala? Who dey maga? WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce) WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce), WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (To all my enemies) WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce) WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce), WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (To all dem bad belle people dem). (Word to Ruggedy Baba). I guess you pretty much catch my drift? It’s over now/boy you can stop your crying/it’s over now/there won’t be no denying/it’s over now/I swear she won’t hurt you again/you can wipe your tears away/it’s over now. You sure Danny Boy? Where’s your career gone anyhow?

Then, in the wake of all that, love attacked and rugby tackled me. Slammed my ass like Dwayne Johnson, rock bottom style. Love lives in, strange places/it’s the obvious that never shows. (Damn right Kelly Ro) It was great but not well thought out. I won’t say it crashed, it just hibernated. While it may not reboot, in truth, she’s an angel. A blessing I hope I do not misuse. GOD bless the child.

Now I’m single but unavailable. That is to say, I will mingle, as I am female’s favorite flavor of Pringles (all na rhyme) but the only ball and chain I’m dealing with is a Spalding and dog tag. Apply within.

Work
So, I say I’m going to quit work, right cuz it ain’t working for me and I want to start 2007 on a clean slate but everybody and their mama (who hates their job by the way) says I should tough it out and I am stuck in my ways until one voice of reason makes sense of it all, so I save the resignation letter in “My Documents”. So come January 10, it’s announced that GOAL! The paper I work for is being cancelled. This was inevitable but I figured we had till March at least. Guess I was wrong. Company says not to worry, everybody will be reshuffled, taken care of, blah di blah. So, everybody says Chi chi’s going to marketing right, just a matter of time. I take a well earned vacay (to my bedroom) cuz Christmas was spent marrying and await the day. Then I’m told I have a check. Okay. Apparently, new GM (maybe not him though as the words “powers that be” were used) felt a woman would be better suited for the position because of True Love. Remember I am Mr. True Love by the way but it’s all good. It is what I wanted at the end of the day and I got paid too but the sad part is, regardless of what it is, how it all works out etc. being let go, you know, not being wanted, what’s that phrase again “surplus to requirements” sucks ass whichever way you look at it. The fact that I didn’t leave when I wanted to gives them one up on me. Fookers. But as they say, every disappointment is a blessing. More appropriately maybe, once in a while, you just need a kick in the ‘nads to come back to your senses.
So what am I doing now? I’m a Media Whore! If it’s media/entertainment and the price is right, I’ma do it. Still write for True Love and have done work for some as-yet-un-launched publications. Some existing ones have inquired. Been unofficially approached to head a record label (heard yesterday that I already do actually). Some work with Storm Records may happen. I’m a radio sidekick to the Wild Child on Rhythm 93.7FM (he stoops to conquer). Still fighting with scripts. Working on a few music artistes (self included). My T-Shirt hustle is in it’s infancy. Pimping my photographer (Taurean) & designer (Zebra) girls. A few things lined up. Quicker – and more – than I expected as well. So ya boy is doing it. Slowly but surely. And I cannot turn my back on my blogspot (nor hi5) families AND NO I WILL NOT JOIN FACEBOOK!

So, did you make it this far? Well done. As you can see I am upbeat and sincerely apologize for abandonment. Let’s hope I can hit you up at least every other week for now until I sort my ish out. Just an aside, I should hopefully attend the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria Beauty Pageant tonight. We’ll see how that goes.

Life is what you make it.

I’m focused man

And that new outlook on life…

Blog Marley out like the drunkard in the picture!

My word is BOND in 2-007!

WE BACK BABY!!!

PS - Were you singing along to all my lyrics in there? Don't lie now!

there goes the neighborhood

2007-02-14T12:48:00.000+01:00

All was great in Blogspot.

Not a care in the world.

Just unbriddled joy.

All was peaceful.

All was calm.

All was beautiful.

This was blogspot.

And so it was.

And so it had been.

For the past two months.

Until...

He's back bee-hotches!!!

BLOGSPOT presents . an IOU PRODUCTION . of a DON CHI blog . DON CHI a.k.a. BLOG MARLEY as EL SENOR SUPREMO in THE RETURN OF THE McRANTER, HIS BLOGGAL HIGHNESS!

"Miss me? Then ya better go for target practice ya Blogheads!"

Peace, as we know it, is now extinct!

COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU!

MERRY CHRISMUSS

2006-12-18T12:14:00.000+01:00

Sup Blogheads,

I have forgotten bout Jolly Ole St. Nick and the like because it is Wedding Season for us Las Gidians. If you don't know what that is all about, go to my Nigerian Wedding blog and see for yourself what I will be getting up to over the holidays. What will you be doing? Whatever it is, make sure it is fun and safe, a'ight?

Well, before I run away from the Blog World (again) in brief, I will leave you with a little treat (I say little but it is loooooooooooong) for you to go over. Remember my last post? The Cost of Pleasure starring Aida? Well, I realized a lot of people didn't get it so I have Uncovered the secrets of Aida in a new post which I'd like all of you to go over when you have a dull moment in your fun filled holiday period.

So, have fun like I said and continue to be good as always.

MERRY CHRISS-MUSS and a glorious 2 dub 7!

Blog Marley out... and about

;)

the cost of pleasure

2006-11-24T12:17:00.000+01:00

Hey BHs,

What's really good? I am really loving one great aspect of life now, it is called "possibilities." The possibilities out there are endless and the more i think about it, the more excited I become. I feel we all need to hold on tight to possibilities and take definite steps towards actualizing them. There is a lot going on around me trying to weigh me down but the knowledge of possibilities keeps me smiling.

Here's a middle fingers to detractors. You can't hold me down.

Blogspot is a great form of release for me and has me feeling like Tyrese and Chingy "Every time I try to leave..." You catch my drift. Anyway, with a few people asking me to get back into it, I've been on a mini high, so inspiration is coming thick and fast. All I need is one reader and I know someone is paying attention, so I'ma ride for you. (Adaure, you smell me? Still waiting for that math ma ;) ha ha).

Well, my latest fix came this morning and I was at it again till 4am. I feel it was worth it. I hope you do too. Call it a short story or look at it like a 5 page novel. Hint, it is a bit on the long side but I think it is worth the read. If you can, take it bit by bit, no rush but I really feel good about it and cannot wait for your feedback. If you catch it in direct response to how I threw it, I feel you will go back to the top and read it again to see how everything fits in. I really hope you like it because I am very excited about it. And if you aren't, I will be disappointed but will chin up, chalk it up in the "miss" column, then get back on my Grizzly. Guaranteed.

A line from Jay-Z's "Beach Chair" is my new personal mantra:

"Son said Hov, how you get so fly?/I said from not being afraid to fall out the sky"

That's my new mantra. I am not afraid to fall cuz, to quote Hov again, "I bounce up like round ball."

Anyway, enough from me. As always, click the title and find out the cost of pleasure in my short story/mini novel and let's get some feedback. As you can guess, it is about infidelity, from a man's POV and how it could all go wrong.

So as always, enjoy... or not!

Blog Marley out with the old and in with the brand spanking!

the dark side of Da Chi

2006-11-22T14:41:00.000+01:00

Hey blog heads,

He was up till 3am this morning trying to surpress his anger but in a fit of rage, kept bashing the QWERTY! He had to let it out; get the load of his chest. All it has done is enraged him even more. The Hulk couldn't kcuf with him right now. He's one lose screw away from losing it. He is not the charming friendly guy most have come to know. No. Not right now and seemingly, not for a while.

He is destined for greatness like young Skywalker but right now, the Darkside of The Force is overwhelming him. He is young Ryu. Searching for the ultimate center but the Dark Hadou is calling his name. He is strong of will but weak in flesh. He must not stumble. He must stand tall. Stand strong. He is a conqueror. They can only shake him but they will not break him. He is Destiny's Child. A survivor.

The King of Cheer will be back. Right now, life is catching up with him at full speed. This was not the life sold to him in his youth. He has been hoodwinked and he wants his money back!!!

:)

That is why he is the King. Regardless of what he's going through, he still has his funny bone in check. He really isn't that mad. He's more of disappointed. In himself and his world around him at large. A series of 'why' questions abound (Aunty Bella knows all about it) and he will get to the bottom of it. He just needs to get there - pronto (his new favorite word)!

So in love and life (the same thing in my mind), all that really matters, he will excel and so will you. Writing is my release. I have released some tension. And now I unleash...

the beast from the east

click on the above title to discover what's got me so mad. It's taken half a year but the tribal dance finally gets a conclusion... for now.

That's why I'm mad!

BM out like Pac's millionth CD.

PS - I found a draft in my blog that had been saved for a minute as well. It's concluded now. Click the title to know What's really good with Hov & B?

Enjoy... or not!

on november 21st, the kingdom comes in blue!

2006-11-21T12:29:00.000+01:00

What's up blogheads?

Today is the official release date for albums from two of hip-hop's most revered MCs.

Calvin Broadus a.k.a. Snoop Dogg spoils us with The Blue Carpet Treatment while Shawn Carter a.k.a. Jay-Z, returns after a three year hiatus with Kingdom Come. Last week, I dropped an overview of Jay's album and in line with its official release, I have also dropped a review today. Unfortunately, I was only able to cop the advance copy of Snoop's album before post time, so I couldn't review The Doggfather. Apologies.

Worry not about this bad habit bloggers, I will get back to doing what ya'll love (and hate, we can never forget hate) me for - Bloggin' Outta Control! I'm just in a funny place emotionally and mentally. Music is my therapy and writing my release, so that's all I can focus on at this point in time.

In a bit.

Click here for the Kingdom Come review.

Blog Marley out like south!

update... show me what you got!

2006-11-17T15:18:00.000+01:00

Hi,

I've been bad. Very bad. I've been lazy. Extremely lazy. I've been excited. Truly excited. I'm talking mess. A helluva stinking mess.

:)

I forgot blog world like a silly kid. Turning my back on those who really count. Forgiveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee me!

I won't say I'm back cuz I know it will take a while for me to be fully immersed in it again. I'm sowwee! (Like you really care)

:(

Anyway, I have posted but I'm not too sure many will be happy with what I have put down. What I mean is, it is not my usual 'out-of-my-mind' stuff but just an overview on Jay-Z's new album. It was kind of requested by a friend I have offended. She doesn't understand my humor so she took somethings I said seriously. So this is a public apology to Spiderwoman. I'm sorry honey! Please come back to the world of msn and make chatting worth it again. Please?

BAD CHICHI!

Anyway, like I said, I have posted on the REAL Return of The King and not that wannabe ATLien (yeah, I said it. WHUT?!?). So if you are interested or are just bored enough to read some stuff, click here.

Enjoy... or not!

Blog Marl out like the opposite of in!

blog treats... i think

2006-10-27T11:23:00.000+01:00

hey people,

how ya'll been? it's been a minute, yeah? sorry about that. since the Thisday post, i have been hard pressed to at least match that but it ain't been easy. the feedback from that was quite crazy and i didn't think anyone would read the whole thing though. thanx for stopping thru. i am still chasing those pics tho and will have them up one day sha.

speaking on the show, i did get some inside scoop but have been sworn to secrecy so unfortunately, i cannot share :( however, what i will say is dude didn't make his money back, at all! but ya'll knew that even though some tried to claim he did.

anyway, this post is just to let you know where to go to, based on what has been going on with moi. worry not, it's just a click away so u won't have to type in long ass urls. so here's what it is:

on the concert tip, after everyone had enjoyed the pump & circumstance of it all, i was going to write on all the down sides of it because good and evil are lovers who just have different views. however, Keith Richards, former head of Guinness Nigeria, a Brit, did a write up that was better more to the point and more detailed than mine would have ever been. read about it here.

i got an alpha tag on music. it was rather basic, not really exciting but you never know what u can find out about people from what they listen to. so check the tag out here.

my girl Icy, a hot model out in Florida decided to honor the Nigerian man (why I don't know) and what was meant to be a weeklong exercise has been accorded an extra week. anyway, she thought i was worthy of being on the roll call, so you'll find your boy in there on day 4.

so, as they say in Nigeria, I HAD TO RETALIATE! so, i gave props to the BADDEST CHICK of them all! Read all about her here.

i have no shame. it is not often i get props, so whenever i do, i grab em yo! so, this is the next personal shout out today HOLLAAAAAAAAAA chi! my homegirl took a hell of a shot that Lois will love (see what u created baby) and i must say, it's hella hot! i don't care if u think so but u be the judge here.

since everyone thinks i'm such a good boy (which i swear i am), i just thought i'd share with the blog world where idle fingers can lead you when you have an internet connection. if you want to appreciate the good works of the LORD and stare in awe at one of his creations, go here now! Thank you KING! this one is really for the guys but i'm sure even chicks will scream WTF @ this one.

and finally, MySpace has spun outta control. I had a myspace spot when no one gave a toss about it but for the life of me i don't know what it is and really do not want to remember. i don't need the wahala. i ain't technicool with the whole html's and ish (word to Mona) so i can't add the audio for Grafh's "MySpace Jump Off" track but you downloaders look for it. anyway, i have only spent one day looking at myspace and it happened to be Jenna Jameson's myspace page. i can hear peeps calling me perve but it is what it is. i like finding out what all kinds of people get up to in their "normal" lives. i am even watching her VH1 Confessions on you tube today. so, if you wanna see her myspace, click here or for the you tube show, click here.

well bloggers, that's enough from me for now. have fun clicking away.

Blog Marley out like my Clark Kent secret!

i been tagged!

2006-10-16T23:31:00.000+01:00

hey peeps.

sorry to leave you hanging after the entertainment brief. will be back and hopefully as good.

anyways, in the meantime, i have been tagged by taureanmunx so check it out here.

even if you ain't tagged, feel free to do it.

enjoy!

humble pie tastes hella good

2006-10-09T10:29:00.000+01:00

I had me a tall glass of haterade. That is the way the general populace will see it, so I will humbly agree that I was hating. I would like to say I was being cautious because that’s what it was really but people call it hating, so I will agree and call it hating. The thing is, Nigeria is more or less synonymous with disappointment and I am an optimistic pessimist. It happened with Children of Africa. A lot was promised but not delivered. They did deliver but not as promised.

Then these same Thisday cats promised En Vogue and New Edition on two separate occasions but failed to deliver, the second time lying that they were at the airport when they were comfortable stateside. And these are cats that peaked ages ago and are now on a downward spiral in their careers, so you can understand my disbelief (READ: caution) when they announced they were bringing in the hottest thing hip hop has ever seen, the flyest chick wearing his chain, the Doggfather, the queen, the energizer bunny, a bitch, a one-two stepper and the aforementioned divas. I had to be suspicious. I knew ‘H to tha’ was scheduled to come through as part of his United Nations & MTV Water for Life international tour and that’s all I really cared about but when my boy @ MTV told me this arm of the tour was all Thisday, I got scared that Hovi may not come.

Also, at first, websites only had Jay-Z confirmed as coming, with Busta Rhymes scheduled to be in Anaheim, California on the day he was meant to be here. So you can understand my skepticism. Eventually, Beyonce’s site had her coming through and things were looking promising. However, in all my hateration, people will confirm that I clearly said, “I pray they prove me wrong and do the damn thing.”

So Thisday, Nigerians and blog heads (I hollered on Mona’s blog about my doubts), I owe you an apology. As JC said, “Blessed are they who have not seen but still believe.” And after all that, I didn’t even have the common decency to behave accordingly. I straight disrespected the system. I had said I was not going because there was no way I was paying N25,000 ($192, £104) to Thisday for the concert. After saying I would pay N1m to see Jigga if that’s what it came to if he ever came here. I was hell-bent on not going. And being the Young H-O follower that I am, all my friends were shocked to death. They knew I could afford the 25G ticket and buy the N100, 000 ($769, £416) VIP ticket but I was like, it’s a principle thing. I ain’t going.

Then I go out the night before and the DJ closes proceedings with “Numb/Encore” and I start thinking. Hard! I get home, watch Fade To Black and my stomach starts to hurt but I stick to my guns. Then I remember my boy D. Dot. He’s GTBank (Financers of event – is that by any chance account holders’ money) Security Manager so he should have the hook up. He says nothing is certain but tickets are on sale @ 10 grand ($77, £42) at the Bank so I better hurr’up and scoop me one just in case his plans fall through. I tell my pride, principles, conscience and Ijebu nature that we can live with that. So I rush and buy my extra-common folk ticket (at this point, real friends are calling about these available tickets; you know who you are) and prepare for the show.

I had shorts on under my jeans where I kept my phone (only took one of the five – pimpin’ ;) you know I jus said that to be silly), cash and car keys (parked in an office complex and took okada to the entrance) and a bag with water and juice. Ready to go. But the greatest evil? My friend (you know who you are) telling me cameras weren’t allowed so I left mine in the car. My soul hurts still. Anyway, I still got the mental pics.

So, I get there and chill by the bar for a few with some friends I ran into. I then peep D. Dot walking in with the REAL Don P, so I go say ‘hey’ and Dot (such a good guy and not just because of this) tells me to walk with them and explains to the angry security guy why this dude (me) with a red wrist tag is going to the side of the people (VIP) with green ones. It turns out that, apparently, I am a guest of the MD of GTBank. Well alright. So I hook up with my girls and am telling them the story of how I got in. They’re loving it until this dude in front of us turns round and asks to see my tag, then shows his police ID (I had to laugh because while it was in its own wallet, it was just the regular card with the passport photo and typed info, no badge) and says I need to bounce. He’s being all polite and stuff saying I’ll be embarrassed because security will be going round checking. The girls try to beg but I tell them not to worry, I’ll be right back. I tell the dude he’s a good guy, shake his hand, step to my boy Dot, have a little convo, shamelessly cover my red tag with my black Superman wrist band and walk right back to my girls. Like the first track on Shawn Corey’s first album, you can’t knock the hustle.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pie to finish eating.

Blog Marley out like doubt in Thisday!

If you have all the time in the world (like I seem to do) read the concert blog here. Enjoy... or not!

update

2006-09-25T19:32:00.000+01:00

Sup yo?

I done felt cute again. Go check why men cheat.

See ya.

update

2006-09-21T13:10:00.000+01:00

Sup blogheads? Been a minute but I got a bit throwed off and disillusioned with the whole blog thing. Some people abused the system but it's still all good.

I'm still silly with the blog, writing more than is necessary as my attention span is an abstract Uncle Traveling Matt. Well, two have been posted, two are done and one long overdue sequel is being penned, so I should hit ya'll (unfortunately) with a few posts in the next few days. Also been busy captioning pics, people seem to appreciate my photographic lunacy.

Anyway, run and have a look at a pressing (ok that's pushing it.., or is it) issue in the mind of the maniac. Ask yourselves one question: What do you know about security? I don't know much but click that link and come up on what I am aware of. Chuuch.

Blog Marl out like last year

PS - Just added something new about guys. I'll be your friend to the end like Chucky; until you cross that line that is.

slight adjustment

2006-08-28T13:40:00.000+01:00

Hey peeps,

Good weekend? Hope so. Mine was spent bonding with my boy and he's a twat! Got my Man U throwback too but it still needs a little touch.

Have you checked out the AlphaBlog? I forgot some more appropriate words in my haste. For "F", Freestyle Clown would have been a good runner up, "Thinker" for "T" and main "W" should have been "Whore!" Yes, I am a whore! Nigerian definition: Woman Wrapper! I am always around Les filles. I go on girls' nights outs and don't feel out of place. I like woman, no be small!

Anyways, that's all for now. Quite busy at work (Honest) so may not blog for a bit (for which I'm sure you're all grateful) so take it easy peoples.

BM out like Nigeria from the FIBA World Championships!

tag update

2006-08-25T15:19:00.000+01:00

Sup family?

I've been updating like crazy, right? I apologize but I'm just kinda enjoying this. Tagging is a part of blogging I really like (though I've only done it once), that is when the topic is interesting and I would like to think I have raised one.

So when you have the time, head on down to The Alpha Tag: Who The Hell Are You? and leave your comments and feel free to tag too.

Enjoy people.

BM out! And that's it!

blog update

2006-08-23T15:31:00.000+01:00

Sup family?

I found an interesting blog I just had to share with everybody. The dude is on another level but makes some sense.

So just head on down to http://empireofdiversity.blogspot.com/ and hear brother man (though he's white) out.

BM out like electricity in Nigeria.

PS - If you haven't visited Mona's blog, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Peace family.

fasten your safety belts

2006-08-22T16:57:00.000+01:00

I can’t believe I forgot about this. I’ve had this for a moment and was going to blog on it but it skipped my mind. It happened on my return flight to Nigeria after my vacation. You know how you always pray not to get an old person or an irritant sitting next to you on the plane, well, I got BOTH! The 1st was a plus sized lady who first dumped her cardigan unto the row of seats behind ours, why? Because she was trying to reserve them for herself. Imagine? She then chose to move to the rear of the plane because she saw some empty seats (we were just boarding, mind you) and thankfully, nobody turned up to claim the seats. So then, I was left to deal with the old man. Our meeting started with me having to stow his hand luggage (a heavy, crammed carrier bag) into the overhead locker and then the potty break (I always go for aisle seats) 5 minutes after he had sat down… before take off! I resigned myself to the fact that it was going to be a long flight. Interestingly enough, it was an educational flight and not so bad after all. It was his first time to London and so he had a lot to talk about. He had gone for an operation and spent some time in the hospital. The following details our conversation. Hope it touches you like it did me. Forget Osuofia and meet…

Ogbeni in London

“What is the name of this plane?” he asks. “I don’t know,” I reply, not really sure what his question really means, plus trying to end the conversation quickly.
“The plane dey run,” he continues. “E dey really run. The pilot dey try. Na Libya I go before but the plane no run like this one. This one dey move. The pilot dey really try.

“you know, this na my first time to London. I no wan believe wetin I see for there. When I reach house tell people, dem no go believe me o! unless dem see am themselves. Everything dey organized, everything na computer. Na bush we dey for Africa o! but, no be Britain colonize us? So why our own no fit good like their own? We go ever reach dat level? My brother, na only to pray o! I no think we go fit reach that level. Abi, how you feel?”

“well, I believe we will get there, just that unfortunately, neither of us might be around to witness it," comes my response. He shakes his head and resumes his diatribe, “The problem be say, we no get any unity for Nigeria. Whether tribal o, religious o, and even political. E no good at all at all. Make we get ourself quick quick o! make our children no too suffer.

“even dog sef, my brother… DOG! Dog get more rights than person sef. See wan sick dog for there, na helicopter dem use carry am. Helicopter for dog! Me as I dey, I never enter helicopter before dem come carry sick dog. Nawa o! even cat sef get house. Ologbo! Cat get house where people still dey sleep for road. Nawa o! I just dey look dey look as I dey for there.

“na operation I go there go do. Na my son bring me come, ma’e I just do am. See their hospital system for there. Everything dey organized. If na one o’clock, na one o’clock. Doctor sef go come meet you for the time make sure say you dey. You see that kind before? Wey doctor go come find you? For Nigeria, doctor go say, ‘You this bastard! Ma’e I come call you? You no well true true.’ As I dey there because of the operation, 3 days, I no baff. Na the nurse come baff me! Can you imagine? Say nurse go come baff you? They love life for that side o! they no dey take life play at all! I no one leave at all. I wan die there. Enjoyment too much but it was too expensive. My son try well well the small wey e do for me but e too expensive. I dey fear dem o! another patient wey dey there dey ask whether I wan die there. I tell am say na the enjoy wey I no dey enjoy for Africa I dey enjoy for here.”

At this point, I am with him all the way because this manner of raw authenticity with regards to his bewilderment is as rare as constant electrical supply in Nigeria. The cabin crew is now walking through offering light refreshments. I get my own surprise as I never knew they served little bottles of alcohol on board. I thought it was just red and white wine. So, I ask for a Jack Daniels and coke. My new in-flight companion asks for a Jack as well after sighting my order and the ‘extremely friendly’ (my ignorant outlook where I automatically convince myself such guys are gay) airhost remarks on how that’s an excellent choice. I mix my Jack & Coke (I’m not an alcoholic o) but old head taps the bottle, spins the cap and downs that sucker! I clearly don’t know a dang thing about some whiskey after that. With his tongue now looser, we resume our (more like his) discourse.

“I buy one DVD wan time carry am go house. E no come work and my son dey ask me why I go buy such DVD sef. ‘in come say make I take am back. I surprise say ‘in talk like that but I come go back sha. Before GOD and man, the boy collect am, return my money. I no lie you at all. You ever see that kind thing for Africa before? Where them collect something return your money? Who born you? Them go ask whether you no see well before you buy am. Nawa o! the thing really surprise me. then them no dey collect money. Everything na credit. For hospital, them no ask me for one kobo. Them say na after them go send bill to my son. Them no dey collect money at all.

“and come see one oyibo woman dey drive trailer by inself! She just naked herself, put leg for steering and just dey drive the big trailer dey go. Na only am dey inside o! big trailer. And na so dem dey do. One person go just drive by ‘inself for any time , just dey go. If motor breakdown, no wahala. Them go just phone, relax by the road and they go come tow am. No wahala.”

The ‘happy’ airhost returns and asks if my man enjoyed his beverage. I said he must have because he just guzzled it in one swig. “wow!” he exclaimed, “Well you’re responsible for whatever happens to him young man, alright?” I just smiled and tried to enjoy a pause from my session with my elderly buddy. It was short-lived though.

“ah! This plane dey really run. Pilot dey try. We done nearly reach, ba? He dey try. If somebody, wan person, get plane like this wan, only wan sef, ‘in go chop be dat o! ‘in go chop well well. Wan single plane we no even get sef. Common plane we no get. It’s a shame o but GOD dey sha. For London, every city get airport. Every city! And plane just dey everywhere parked like taxi. Them plenty no be small. GOD dey sha.”

And with that, my good man shut his eyes and drifted off into La La Land. The whole exchange really got the wheels turning. It is funny how much we take for granted on a daily basis because we are comfortable. Yes we nag and complain on the regular but have you noticed how the topics of our complaints always vary depending on our physical location? While I was in the States and England, I was relatively calm but as I got back, I just started acting up and getting upset over nothing. It boils down to the little things that don’t work. We are regarded as third world/developing but really, we shoot ourselves in the foot and things REALLY should not be this bad. In the ‘developed’ world, they are trying to curb black on black crime but as the black capital of the world (over 150 million niggers [not necessarily who we are but how majority act] locked together in one spot) it is the only crime we have. Ever hear Mos Def’s song, “The Rape Over”? It is far from over. When we were getting screwed by “whitey” I guess it wasn’t our fault but when my fellow black man wants to continuously pull my pants down and give me a thorough rogering, I have to blow my gasket at some point.

Here was this old man who got the opportunity to witness a working system before his number was called and you can gather the effect it had on his life. Tears came to my eyes but I didn’t cry. Cry for what reason? It does sadden me but not as much as it angers me. And I am mad at self too because I don’t exactly rise up to do jack! Why? Because I act like I don’t know how to or know what to do. That is bollocks. Yes I am just one person but that’s how it starts. In that regard, mad props to Dumebi Agbakogba and her Do Something Nigeria movement. She’s a young girl and while she’s still having her fun, she still takes time out to do her widow’s might. I have been a reluctant entertainer all my life. If that is how I can contribute, so be it. As long as I do something. I would like to implore you to do something as well. No matter what it is. I don’t expect you to finish this blog then turn Mother Teresa, but rather hope you really think about it and contribute to the Nigerian turn around however you can. You know how people go to Ibiza and Cancun, etc to chill and tan? We have sunshine all the year round. Jay-Z, Mariah and the like need to start putting Lagos as one of their favorite vacation spots alongside St. Tropez.

And just like clockwork, as if to take me away from my overly serious self and back to the more relaxed clown all are used to, this Igbo dude that had been talking to this elderly lady to my left all flight long goes:

“Oh, das a beaurooful landing.”

BM out like cheap hair weaves.

review alert

2006-08-22T11:24:00.000+01:00

Hey people,

Good today? Working on more stuff, worry not. I have added a pic to an old blog which I found and think is appropriate. It's an old pic scanned so unfortunately is not all clear but it features a young (cute) Don Chi. Feel free to have a looksie when you have the time.

Later peoples.

Go to From the Cradle to the Stage for the flick.

Blog Marley out like Elton John from the closet.

update alert

2006-08-21T16:56:00.000+01:00

Today in C3: Chichi's Classic Cock-Ups, read how Don(ce) Chichi trapped himself in his brother's flat in London this past July. What is wrong with this kid?

Enjoy... or not!

i apologize

2006-08-21T09:53:00.000+01:00

Las Gidi, Nigeria

Monday, August 21st, 2006

0949hrs

Dear Bloggers,

How are you doing today? I hope all is well? Before I go off on a rant like I have been known to do, I will get straight to the point. Accept this, please, as a formal apology for my bad behvior. I allowed myself get sucked into the "do you know who I am" method of thinking. You know how they say, "sometimes, less is more"? Well, that whole thing seemed to be lost on me.

First, it was hi5. I thought it was stupid but then turned into the "unofficial" king of the damn thing. Now with blogging, I only registered to leave a comment on Mo's blog a while back and thought I'd never get involved deeply, then I turned around and created 10 (yes T-E-N) blogs!

And just WHO THE KCUF DO YOU THINK YOU ARE Don Chi?

10 blogs for what? What the hell could you possibly have to talk about? Well, I do have quite a bit (like a lot of other people) and could easily detail it in one blog but you know how I do. However, after a good convo with my new buddy via the blog world (go Dammie), I have decided to repent. She pointed out that I have lazy fans who cannot keep up with my lunacy. One blog will be fine, she convinced. Then my darling partner in blog, the lovely Mona, made sure she made me feel stupid about the whole thing. She had warned me from jump when I announced I was going to attempt such retardation. I apologize to you dearest milklady for not listening to you.

The thing is, I like order in my activities, so decided to topically arrange my blogs. Bad idea, apparently, as patronage of my spot has dipped. Boo hoo hoo! So now, having come to my senses, I have decided to act accordingly and do away with my blog overload. Yup. Imagine having to give up one of your kids but it's fine. It needs to be done, so it shall.

A quick run through the blogs before they die. This one of course, the Choo Choo Train of Thought, Theater of the Absurd, The Others, Coming Right Outta Left Field, From the Cradle to the Stage, Circle of Life, The Answer Game, E!ntertainment Briefly and C3: Chichi's Classic Cock-Ups. So those are his 10 blogs. To avoid the hassle of deleting and re-posting, I am leaving them where they are, so you can just grab you a little peak if you want to but future posts will be done in here. Sob. I recommend Coming Right Outta Left Field and The Others. I believe they have some interesting reading in there. So check them out before they are forgotten forever.

Now, the catch. As a silly dude, YOU KNOW I AIN'T GONNA GET RID OF EM ALL! Never that. So I am keeping this one (the original) and it will be the main point of reference. When other blogs have been updated, I will place an alert in here and a link, so all you have to do is click.

The other surviving blogs are:

The Others (people have said they'd like to blog via me, so this will house such offerings)

From the Cradle to the Stage (the ludicrious story of my life)

C3 (putting myself on blast, making me look silly)

So that's it. Just 4 blogs. Not bad, eh? Actually, a 5th one is in the making though but it is a collaborative blog that is milky like cereal. It was bound to happen, so enjoy once it is born.

Well bloggers, I hope I am forgiven? I've been naughty. I was feeling cool but ended up looking a fool. I'm sorry for my over-indulgence. Take me back? Am I forgiven? Hope you can accept me again as one of yours.

Your's Sincerely,

Young Blog Marley (It's going' down!)

PS - The Choo Choo Train of Thought received two updates last week that I believe you should check out. It is, after all, the end of the track for that poor blog of mine. Sniff sniff.

Stay positive family.

Don Chi out like Nigeria of the Junior Women's World Cup!

return of the mc ranter

2006-08-02T13:16:00.000+01:00

Hey people, how have you been? Sorry I’ve been away so long (like anyone’s really noticed) but I was on long overdue vacay from work (can anybody say six weeks? Shhh) and sitting in front of a PC/laptop was not exactly my idea of rejuvenation, if you smell me? Regardless, that does not give me the right to leave you hanging (does anybody really care???) so here I am, back with more ranting. YAY! However, all the comments seem to be coming in here, so please feel free to browse through any of my other blogs, (links in sidebar) and let me know what you think about those as well. Anyhoo, without much further ado (yawn), here’s me latest rant and guess what? It’s Chichi back at the movies yo!!! Enjoy… or not.

With so much drama in the AMC…

After going off on how I got pissed off at the cinema, watching X3 in lagos, I went to the AMC in New York to watch Superman Returns and also got the pleasure of a double bill in there. By the way, Superman II is my fave movie of all time, so the nostalgia the new movie provided was something else. Read on that in a blog coming soon. Back to the double bill.

So, I’m enjoying the movie right, the couple behind me have been going off for a while but nothing I couldn’t handle. I was too into my movie. However, down my row (it was rather empty, maybe 20 people in all) to the left, I was totally oblivious to what had been going on but I and the entire theater were about to find out. With about 15 minutes to go in the movie, this white dude screams out all of a sudden in a very irritated tone: “Oh, for kcuf’s sake, we’re trying to watch the kcufing movie here!”, apparently to a guy sat right in front of him. Then the following conversation ensued:

Light Skin-ded Brother: What’chu say fool?
Slim Shady: Been trying to watch the movie but you been going on the whole freaking time. It’s people trying to watch the movie.
LSB: How ‘bout you shut up an’ watch the movie, a’ight?
SS: Yeah, but you been going on the whole time messing it up, I can’t barely hear.
LSB: I think you better shut up. What? You a tough guy?
SS: Yeah, whatever.
LSB: You try’na play Superman? I beat’chu down in front of yo girl, a’ight?
SS: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
LSB: What n!$$@?

At this point, LSB starts fumbling with his jacket and Chichi’s like “whoa boy! Looks like it’s about to get on and poppin’ in here.” LSB brings out his phone, gets up and makes a phonecall:

“Hello? Yeah. I got me a little beef at the theater. Yeah, the AMC on 42nd Street. Uh huh. Ok. I’m coming downstairs now.”

He then walks out and the atmosphere in the theater changes somewhat. A dude up front puts on his hat and bounces like Spalding. Either he’s very smart or just a spineless coward. I, on the otherhand, can’t wait for the movie to end. Not because it’s boring (it’s not); not because I’m scared (shut up) and want to get out of there but because there is too much of new york to be seen (human & structural) and spending time in the theater is desperately eating into that time. Not buying my story are you? Whatever! I wasn’t scared! Really, what does he want to do in a theater in the middle of the city, in the middle of the afternoon? Well, in honest response to that, I really didn’t want to be around to find out. BUT I WASN’T SCARED!

Anyway, a while passes and LSB returns. alone. I was a bit disappointed to be honest. I mean, where was the crew of NY Gangsta Gangstas? He then walks up to SS and bends over him and starts talking down at him in a muffled tone, so I couldn’t really make out what it was. At this point, I concluded that whoever LSB called (if he did indeed call anyone) must have laughed at him for calling up some beef with a skinny white kid, probably a Sci-Fi geek, trying to enjoy his Superman movie. Get the kcuf outta here!

So that was my first incident with the return of Krypton’s last son. (Oh my GOD! Superman is phenomenal! MSN Spellchecker accepted krypton as a word). The 2nd comes from my return to Mama Africa. Nu Metro has open a cinema out in Abuja, so I had to go check it out. Returned, with my bro and two friends in tow, to see (uh huh, you guessed it) Superman Returns! So what actually went wrong this time? Let me see… Hmmm… could it be: Babies crying at the movies after 2200hrs? People walking in and out continuously having screaming matches in the process? Or maybe it was my personal favorite: the light skin-ded family behind me! I see a trend here with the light skin-ded. They are bad for the movies apparently. Remember the chick from the last one with no badonk? Uh huh! Light skin-ded she was! Anyways, there was a boy and three or four girls. My guess is, he wanted to come watch the movie and his sisters/cousins decided to tag along because he was well behaved but these ladies? Oh my sweet Lordie. They decided on exhibiting their ringtones to each other. One would get a phone call and let it ring for a while so all could hear it and they all erupt in laughter. This is of course before she picks up and proceeds to blab away like she’s at a telecommunications convention. And this happened no less than thrice with one instance being a running argument.

Such bad behavior. We need to do something about Nigerian cinema for real. Talking goes on everywhere but our complete disregard for others and the inability to be discreet need to be checked ASAP. Buy the bootleg DVD, watch it at home and invite a marching band for all I care but when you are at the movies: Beehotch, shut the kcuf up! That’s all I ask of you. Is that too much, honey?

And to make matters worst (Naija style), to quote Sir Mix-A-Lot and some other rapper I can’t remember right now (was it Q-Tip?): “Baby got back!” so “why you gonna go and do that love, huh?”

With that dear bloggers, just like the Man of Steel, SuperBloggerMan (alias Don Chi a.k.a. Blog Marley) Returns!

Up, up and away!

the movie within the movie

2006-05-26T19:09:00.000+01:00

Don't let the pic mislead you. This is not a movie review. I just saw this flick, which is why I thought it appropriate for this previously unscheduled rant (yes I do schedule my ranting even though I claim they are random) which is very necessary at this point. It almost gets me as mad as "tribal dancing" but let me not take it there and get even more heated! Woo Sah Chichi, Woo Sah! Anyway, for some clarity, this latest rant, like the title indicates, is about the movie within the movie. What do I mean by that? It is with regard to watching a movie at the cinema in Nigeria. It is close to the most annoying experience you will ever undertake. As the director, I would like to welcome you to the World Premier of "the movie within the movie" entitled:

Shut The Kcuf Up!

I hadn't been to the cinema in a minute because there was no special effects laden feature worth going to see and there was no money really. I have now gone twice in less than 48hrs. I went to see MI:3 on Wednesday and X3 today. I had forgotten how irritating going to the cinema in Nigeria was. Oh my good GOD!!! I must confess, when the movie is trash, I don't mind the movie going on around me but when it is absolutely fantastic (neither of these two movies was by the way) or I am trying to make sense of it, I would love for people to hush up!

When we got cinemas back here, all were excited, myself included but there was the "lack of cinema etiquette" factor we overlooked. People just do not know how to act at the movies. It is so bloody irritating. During MI:3, i said "kcuf" so much I couldn't believe it. I was sandwiched by the chatting couples from somewhere worse than hell! By this evening, I had moved on to "kcuf-ing hell" and "oh for kcuf's sake!" It just ain't right!

For X3, there was a not-bad-looking chick next to me and she initiated contact which is always good. She tapped me to ask why there was a dude in the cinema taping us and the movie. I wondered as well when I followed her pointing finger but figured as it was the premiere, the Silverbird folks were taping for turnout to show on their evening news. She could have asked the people she came with but she asked me (and not in an information gathering capacity but in a making-conversation-see-you-outside-the-movie-notice-my-strap-falling-off-my-shoulder-Chichi-is-such-a-pervert kinda way) and I took this as an invite to chat post-movie. However, she committed cinema treason and she was quickly forgotten.

Anyway, it was bad enough that the people around me never stopped talking and kept applauding, ensuring many lines were missed, but the phone thing?

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

People weren't even trying to duck down and whisper, they were answering and having conversations. KCUF-ING CONVERSATIONS!!! Discussing the movie, juvenile delenquents talking about chicks, popcorn tossing twats and illiterates that had no clue what was going in on in the movie. I lost it when some dude actually JUMPED UP screaming, "THAT'S TOO HARD ABEG!" Give me a kcufing break!"

I guess all the kcufing shows I am really pissed! I am now afraid to write part two of the tribal dance if I can be this angry over the cinema. I apologize but that just really gets my goat! But what am I to do? Where else can I go to get the big screen experience I need for blockbusters? It just isn't fair! They should give us tasers in the cinema to send some volts into the body's of offenders. Actually, that won't work, I know the a-holes will all just start snoring.

BASTARDS!

I really apologize for my tone and language. It is just so, so upsetting when people don't know how to act. "Hello? Hi, I'm in the cinema. X-Men 3. X-MEN3 oH! Yes. It's correct! You should come and watch it man, for real!"

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Chick next to me? She too! Shame. She had no booty anyway!

Bah humbug!

mr. follow follow

2006-05-26T12:03:00.000+01:00

(now this is a picture denoting individuality if I ever saw one)

This is a special dedication to those dudes – and dudettes – that don’t realize they were born alone for a reason. Even twins who occupy the same stomach for nine months aren’t born simultaneously; the world is blessed with them one after the other. This is where our strength lies – in our individuality. It is also what makes our world an interesting place to live in; the peculiarities of different individuals across the board. It is about the only thing you really have a right to on earth – your individuality.

Unfortunately, not everyone seems to realize this fact. While some unfairly have their individuality snatched from them (or at least suppressed), others willingly (read: foolishly) offer theirs to someone (or something) else. Some just cannot be their own man. They always tend to need validation from someone else to feel relevant. How ugly is that? Very, you say? Unfortunately, that’s the way the cookie crumbles – with or without the milk. People need to stand their ground and be bold enough to be themselves. For every question, every situation, just because it will please somebody else – at your expense no less – you can’t keep selling yourself short. You can’t always be quick to holler:

Yes-Man!

I have encountered this man many times. And to be completely honest with myself, I have often been this man. The “yes-man” operates directly or indirectly (which I like to call “on behalf of”); directly being: “the stuffing of one’s face with ‘excrement sandwiches’ directly from the source, right there and then” and the latter being: “the singing of one’s praises when he is neither there nor aware of what you are doing; or who you are even for that matter.” I believe both forms are in equal balance but you never know with people, now do you?

Uncharacteristically (and thankfully, I am sure for most), this will be a rather short blog. I think so because it is basically self explanatory and upon seeing the parameters set, most will understand the angle my rant is coming from and be able to relate to situations around them. No? well I think so. Anyhoo, before I get up and outta here, I will leave you with a few instances of “yesmanism” that have made me wanna hoit (hurt, BK-style for thems wondering) somebody.

Bob Marley & Fela

Now before you nail me to the cross, I am in no way about to disrespect their legacies, significance or memories. They are two of the best that EVER did it. However, let’s be honest. Not everybody that claims to be a fan of these Legends really is. They just follow the crowd because it seems like the thing to do. Being Nigerian (I can’t seem to express this enough in my blogs, right?); I am more exposed to Abami Eda enthusiasts. The beer drinking, weed smoking and sing alonging (let me be, it is a rant) looks so fake with many of these people. When they start expressing their views or perceived theories on Fela’s music, you can’t help but stare in utter disbelief. You can’t help but ask one of my favorite questions: is this dude for real? And the other favorite: are you serious? You just repeated to me – word for word – exactly what the man said and have the comedic expertise to tell me that this is your theory? I know what’s wrong, you clearly haven’t had enough to drink or smoke… crackhead!

Respect to the people the music and messages actually do something for and not these dodo brains. I appreciate these two legends and celebrate their influence and importance. However, I will not come at you acting like some spiritualist that is receiving subliminal messages from them out their graves and hence tout myself as a messenger of these icons. Get the kcuf outta here with that bullshiz!

This behavior also extends to movies like Scarface and The Godfather Trilogy. The fact that every rapper claims to worship the former doesn’t mean you have to as well. Not all of them really like it either; it’s just the “cool” thing to do. Jokers! Then there is the machismo male who will deny loving Titanic. Ok, I admit, this one might just be me reaching out for support since I have seen the movie a million times and the only reason I can give for watching it so much is the tune for “My Heart Will Go On.” Seriously, if you are a dude and you love Westlife, it is okay! Really it is! It is your choice! Who cares if we all (I included) think you’re gay? As long as you know you aren’t (but we really know you are) then let them say.

Be bold to step out as an individual and celebrate your solidarity of self. Okay, that is me feeling smart. After quick dictionary consultation, I see I meant to say solidity and not solidarity but it is my individuality that I chose to put myself on blast like that. I could easily have deleted that to make it seem like my stuff is flawless. Truth, however, is that it ain’t! I cock up just like the next man. Some think I am jobless and retarded for blogging so hard but hey, I choose to and no one said you had to like it; so shove off if you don’t! no one is forcing you.

So be a man soldier! Chin up, chest out, stand at attention and repeat after Nas:

I know I can (repeat)
Be what I wanna be (repeat)
If I work hard at it (repeat)
I’ll be where I wanna be (repeat)

Atten-Hut!