the movie within the movie

Don't let the pic mislead you. This is not a movie review. I just saw this flick, which is why I thought it appropriate for this previously unscheduled rant (yes I do schedule my ranting even though I claim they are random) which is very necessary at this point. It almost gets me as mad as "tribal dancing" but let me not take it there and get even more heated! Woo Sah Chichi, Woo Sah! Anyway, for some clarity, this latest rant, like the title indicates, is about the movie within the movie. What do I mean by that? It is with regard to watching a movie at the cinema in Nigeria. It is close to the most annoying experience you will ever undertake. As the director, I would like to welcome you to the World Premier of "the movie within the movie" entitled:

Shut The Kcuf Up!

I hadn't been to the cinema in a minute because there was no special effects laden feature worth going to see and there was no money really. I have now gone twice in less than 48hrs. I went to see MI:3 on Wednesday and X3 today. I had forgotten how irritating going to the cinema in Nigeria was. Oh my good GOD!!! I must confess, when the movie is trash, I don't mind the movie going on around me but when it is absolutely fantastic (neither of these two movies was by the way) or I am trying to make sense of it, I would love for people to hush up!

When we got cinemas back here, all were excited, myself included but there was the "lack of cinema etiquette" factor we overlooked. People just do not know how to act at the movies. It is so bloody irritating. During MI:3, i said "kcuf" so much I couldn't believe it. I was sandwiched by the chatting couples from somewhere worse than hell! By this evening, I had moved on to "kcuf-ing hell" and "oh for kcuf's sake!" It just ain't right!

For X3, there was a not-bad-looking chick next to me and she initiated contact which is always good. She tapped me to ask why there was a dude in the cinema taping us and the movie. I wondered as well when I followed her pointing finger but figured as it was the premiere, the Silverbird folks were taping for turnout to show on their evening news. She could have asked the people she came with but she asked me (and not in an information gathering capacity but in a making-conversation-see-you-outside-the-movie-notice-my-strap-falling-off-my-shoulder-Chichi-is-such-a-pervert kinda way) and I took this as an invite to chat post-movie. However, she committed cinema treason and she was quickly forgotten.

Anyway, it was bad enough that the people around me never stopped talking and kept applauding, ensuring many lines were missed, but the phone thing?

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

People weren't even trying to duck down and whisper, they were answering and having conversations. KCUF-ING CONVERSATIONS!!! Discussing the movie, juvenile delenquents talking about chicks, popcorn tossing twats and illiterates that had no clue what was going in on in the movie. I lost it when some dude actually JUMPED UP screaming, "THAT'S TOO HARD ABEG!" Give me a kcufing break!"

I guess all the kcufing shows I am really pissed! I am now afraid to write part two of the tribal dance if I can be this angry over the cinema. I apologize but that just really gets my goat! But what am I to do? Where else can I go to get the big screen experience I need for blockbusters? It just isn't fair! They should give us tasers in the cinema to send some volts into the body's of offenders. Actually, that won't work, I know the a-holes will all just start snoring.

BASTARDS!

I really apologize for my tone and language. It is just so, so upsetting when people don't know how to act. "Hello? Hi, I'm in the cinema. X-Men 3. X-MEN3 oH! Yes. It's correct! You should come and watch it man, for real!"

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Chick next to me? She too! Shame. She had no booty anyway!

Bah humbug!