return of the mc ranter

Hey people, how have you been? Sorry I’ve been away so long (like anyone’s really noticed) but I was on long overdue vacay from work (can anybody say six weeks? Shhh) and sitting in front of a PC/laptop was not exactly my idea of rejuvenation, if you smell me? Regardless, that does not give me the right to leave you hanging (does anybody really care???) so here I am, back with more ranting. YAY! However, all the comments seem to be coming in here, so please feel free to browse through any of my other blogs, (links in sidebar) and let me know what you think about those as well. Anyhoo, without much further ado (yawn), here’s me latest rant and guess what? It’s Chichi back at the movies yo!!! Enjoy… or not.

With so much drama in the AMC…

After going off on how I got pissed off at the cinema, watching X3 in lagos, I went to the AMC in New York to watch Superman Returns and also got the pleasure of a double bill in there. By the way, Superman II is my fave movie of all time, so the nostalgia the new movie provided was something else. Read on that in a blog coming soon. Back to the double bill.


So, I’m enjoying the movie right, the couple behind me have been going off for a while but nothing I couldn’t handle. I was too into my movie. However, down my row (it was rather empty, maybe 20 people in all) to the left, I was totally oblivious to what had been going on but I and the entire theater were about to find out. With about 15 minutes to go in the movie, this white dude screams out all of a sudden in a very irritated tone: “Oh, for kcuf’s sake, we’re trying to watch the kcufing movie here!”, apparently to a guy sat right in front of him. Then the following conversation ensued:


Light Skin-ded Brother: What’chu say fool?
Slim Shady: Been trying to watch the movie but you been going on the whole freaking time. It’s people trying to watch the movie.
LSB: How ‘bout you shut up an’ watch the movie, a’ight?
SS: Yeah, but you been going on the whole time messing it up, I can’t barely hear.
LSB: I think you better shut up. What? You a tough guy?
SS: Yeah, whatever.
LSB: You try’na play Superman? I beat’chu down in front of yo girl, a’ight?
SS: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
LSB: What n!$$@?

At this point, LSB starts fumbling with his jacket and Chichi’s like “whoa boy! Looks like it’s about to get on and poppin’ in here.” LSB brings out his phone, gets up and makes a phonecall:

“Hello? Yeah. I got me a little beef at the theater. Yeah, the AMC on 42nd Street. Uh huh. Ok. I’m coming downstairs now.”

He then walks out and the atmosphere in the theater changes somewhat. A dude up front puts on his hat and bounces like Spalding. Either he’s very smart or just a spineless coward. I, on the otherhand, can’t wait for the movie to end. Not because it’s boring (it’s not); not because I’m scared (shut up) and want to get out of there but because there is too much of new york to be seen (human & structural) and spending time in the theater is desperately eating into that time. Not buying my story are you? Whatever! I wasn’t scared! Really, what does he want to do in a theater in the middle of the city, in the middle of the afternoon? Well, in honest response to that, I really didn’t want to be around to find out. BUT I WASN’T SCARED!

Anyway, a while passes and LSB returns. alone. I was a bit disappointed to be honest. I mean, where was the crew of NY Gangsta Gangstas? He then walks up to SS and bends over him and starts talking down at him in a muffled tone, so I couldn’t really make out what it was. At this point, I concluded that whoever LSB called (if he did indeed call anyone) must have laughed at him for calling up some beef with a skinny white kid, probably a Sci-Fi geek, trying to enjoy his Superman movie. Get the kcuf outta here!

So that was my first incident with the return of Krypton’s last son. (Oh my GOD! Superman is phenomenal! MSN Spellchecker accepted krypton as a word). The 2nd comes from my return to Mama Africa. Nu Metro has open a cinema out in Abuja, so I had to go check it out. Returned, with my bro and two friends in tow, to see (uh huh, you guessed it) Superman Returns! So what actually went wrong this time? Let me see… Hmmm… could it be: Babies crying at the movies after 2200hrs? People walking in and out continuously having screaming matches in the process? Or maybe it was my personal favorite: the light skin-ded family behind me! I see a trend here with the light skin-ded. They are bad for the movies apparently. Remember the chick from the last one with no badonk? Uh huh! Light skin-ded she was! Anyways, there was a boy and three or four girls. My guess is, he wanted to come watch the movie and his sisters/cousins decided to tag along because he was well behaved but these ladies? Oh my sweet Lordie. They decided on exhibiting their ringtones to each other. One would get a phone call and let it ring for a while so all could hear it and they all erupt in laughter. This is of course before she picks up and proceeds to blab away like she’s at a telecommunications convention. And this happened no less than thrice with one instance being a running argument.

Such bad behavior. We need to do something about Nigerian cinema for real. Talking goes on everywhere but our complete disregard for others and the inability to be discreet need to be checked ASAP. Buy the bootleg DVD, watch it at home and invite a marching band for all I care but when you are at the movies: Beehotch, shut the kcuf up! That’s all I ask of you. Is that too much, honey?

And to make matters worst (Naija style), to quote Sir Mix-A-Lot and some other rapper I can’t remember right now (was it Q-Tip?): “Baby got back!” so “why you gonna go and do that love, huh?”

With that dear bloggers, just like the Man of Steel, SuperBloggerMan (alias Don Chi a.k.a. Blog Marley) Returns!

Up, up and away!