You know what? Oh, you do? How is he? It’s been a minute since I last saw him. Is he okay? That’s good to know. What, what!
Okay, enough silliness. That’s just me trying to be cute, hoping you would just let me slide without chastisement. (Wow. That word is actually correct). So before I apologize (for the umpteenth time – maybe we should kill Blog Marley and christen The Ablogogizer, eh), let me tell you a story.
Story, story… once upon a time… hold up! What exactly does that mean though? Once upon a time? Upon a time? Thank GOD olde English is just that – OLDE! What, were stories told standing on a sundial or something? Was once upon a time the equivalent of: “this one time, at band camp?” Somebody throw this dawg a bone gaddamit. Once upon my arse… uh… I take that back. My rear tunnel is a single lane, one way highway. Shit come out but didley go in. So ain’t a dang thing upon my arse… heck, even my jeans sag ridiculously!
See how I done did it again? Taking y’all round the bend, hoping you don’t notice I been gone for too long and just igging my absence. No such luck, eh?
Drat and double drat. (Word to Dick Dastardly). Anyways, I believe I have quite a bit of explaining to do. So bear with me (if you still care about me and what I have to say (write) anymore, that is) as I take you down a long, winding (often boring) road to where BM been man. Is you ready? Well here we go…
Actually, hold on. Maybe it’s some fings I should say first, yeah? Get off my chest like some unwanted hair on a chick. Alright, alright. That’s just what I’ma do. Truth be told, I was supposed to go blonkers (bonkers with the blog) in ’07 but like Stevie Wonder’s experiences (unforeseen circumstances), I didn’t see it coming. What is “it”? I dunno but I do know “it” came! I had typed up juice. You know, a hot mess of fresh garbage like only I can cook up. Man, I was on fire (just like in my
plea-cock up to accompany this post) like Shedrach, Meshak and Abednigo dawg, for real. Blogspot was about to get HOT after I
lit that ass on fire (word to Busta)!
So what happened? Well, my laptop hard drive - with all the info I had typed on it – crashed, I got laid off (no more free internet access), I fell in love then fell in love (two different meanings, think slowly, it'll come) but most importantly, I got tired of blogspot. Why, you might ask? Well, because like everything man gets his filthy hands on, blogspot got compromised. It got mistooken for hi5 or myspace or some shit:
I don’t surf the net, no I’ve never been on myspace/too busy letting my voice vibrate/carving out my space/in this world of fly girls/cutthroats and diamond cut ropes I twirls (Word to Hov) and everybody and they mama’s mama’s gynecologist wanted to be Blog Dylan… WHAT DA BLOG, MAN? Sorry. Had to vent. Don’t get me wrong though. Blogging is not my birthright in anyway but I just felt it was getting overcrowded and people were taking the Mickey Rourke. Ah well, who am I to talk? Am I your Ambassador? Does Blog Marl rep for the peoples? Holla @ me blogheads. Do I hold you down? To paraphrase “The N” to make his words mine:
when was the last time you read a real blog man/Marl, millionaire in the making/when was the last time you read your boy Marl’s writes?/never on schedule but always on time! AND YOU KNOW THIS BLOGGIES! You knows you know! Anyhoo, lemme run you thru, what it is the boy do while you thinking he abandon-ded you. Woooooo!
If blogspot should die before I wake/I'll go through every system, wreck the PC (pronounce P-Say) (Word to Esco).
Chrismuss Holidays
Did one up on Hugh Grant and ‘em but thankfully, nobody kicked the bucket. Did 9 weddings in 3 weeks people. Twas crazy but ya boy is nice with his:
throw on a suit get it tapered up! (Word to Hov) Scary thing is, many of them were childhood friends walking the green mile, leaving young in the dust. I think my A game is on the way. In the container. On the high seas. Uwatago (or how ever me pops peoples spells dat ish – one of my new fave words by the way)? My boy Rotimi, best friend for years, did the do and we had us a real talk hours to the showdown. Words of wisdom man, trust! Then during the (awful) best man speech, me and my boy let the waterworks go. Sad but true (I swear I was acting, ask Oyinkan – cop out not working, eh?).
What else happened? Been a while you see. Okay. The lost suitcases. One of Timi’s groom’s men, Sam, 1st time back home in 9 years didn’t get his bags at all. We did some emergency contingency to sort that out though and it all worked out. He flew out of Portland on (I wanna say) Pacific to San Fran where Northwestern flew him to Amsterdam before KLM completed the Lagos run. Long tin, eh? Understandable (but highly unforgivable) why his bags coulda played truant.
The aforementioned Oyinkan, a busy bee during the period – her sister’s Chief Bride’s Maid, her girl Abi’s Maid of Honor and on the train for Timi’s wedding – had her bags get in late but thankfully, she only missed duties for Timi’s wedding which was the least (I don’t want to say important) tasking on her but she still looked pretty hot and tasty on his day regardless, and no it’s not ogede.
Abi’s bride’s maids stuff came in late but on time. My darling tp had to wait bout a week and she was here for under 2. My bro’s wife got her first of two suitcases when she went to check in the newly acquired one as she was leaving. The second came when she had gone back to the aeroport to leave. Lovely holiday, eh?
I swear my bags got missing too. Your bags ke? But Chichi, you didn’t go anywhere… I know! That’s because my bags were missing!!!
Didn’t go out much like is the case these days. Went to Bacchus twice after swearing never to do so again but Mr. Yozi (who swore the swear too) put it in perspective. “We wanna be where the babes are, right?” Right. “And every babe you ask is going where?” Right. Point. Solution? SOMEONE START A FRIGGIN’ ESCORT AGENCY IN THIS TOWN! Kidding… but seriously. No, joking. (call me). There was an outing that changed (well, restructured) my outlook on life and habits. It was the Sofola’s annual Christmas Throw down, which yours truly helped jump-off way back 99 (8 years and still going strong behotcheez. What?) I had a bit of a freehand in the proceedings (READ: access to booze). The epiphany will be revealed later in this blog (word to Yozi – ass!)
Few times I did go out, some interesting things did go on like people recognizing me from my blog!!! WHAT DA BLOG? My blog has no face dude! But peeps would be like, "I know who you are. I read your blog." Serious head trip there. And it still goes on today with people asking me to come back so here I am, blogging again my friends. Thanks to supporters and tolerizers (Chineduuuuuuuu - English, haba) of my ranting. I will try not to let you down. Now STAND UP!!!
I’m sure I’ve forgotten a lot but it’s been a while and you’re probably bored by now. Ah well. I progress still. I did get to see a lot of old friends I hadn’t in a while which was really great. A good feeling. Reconnected with my Fairy Blog Mother, the
milklady, always pretty, always smiling and do believe I did think of pouring her all over my cereal (did I type that out loud?). The oft mentioned Oyinkan. I guess you can tell I was really happy to see her. To be honest, I didn’t think I would. Papa Atte came down with that Lie-Sess-Tar fresh. Hung with my boys Osagie & Isi. My girl Isi. A whole bunch of new old faces if you catch my drift. You know what I just realized? Like you actually care who I saw. GOSH! I’m such a chick!
I finally, as in, FINALLY, after 20 sumtin odd years on GOD’s (once) green earth, I took a trip down to my roots on the Eastside! First time ever. I wish the circumstances could have been different though but we thank GOD regardless. I accompanied my friends out there to bury their father. It was a solemn occasion but we all managed to have a good time through it all:
nobody will fall cuz everyone will be each other’s crutches (word to Hov). I was in my dad’s hometown, Umuahia (I’m from the corner of Cameron & Gerard in Ikoyi personally) but didn’t make it to his village of Umuekwule, Afungiri. Deep, eh? We landed in Enugu, drove to Abia to meet De Gov’nor. A few days later, I went to Calabar and we finally flew back through Owerri. So I did see a bit of the East, eh?
Love
Ne-Yo and Lionel Richie are prophets. Listen (read):
maybe I don’t know what love is, maybe I’m a fool/I just know what I’m feeling and it’s all because of you/don’t tell me, I don’t know, I want the truth/cuz they call it, we call it, you call it, I call it love. Until now, I didn’t know how fitting this song was but by George. Well, they say love is blind, so I must have been Stevie Wonder (again) and Ray Charles’ love child. Things were meant to go swimmingly well. Romantically or platonically. Hi. My name is Titanic. Hers? Iceberg. On both fronts. The writing was on the wall but I fooled myself I lived behind a white picket fence. To say I was crushed by the crushing feeling I have endured thanks to my crush (who I didn’t crush, mind) is a statement that has been crushed – an under-statement, geddit? No details. Just summaries. Isn’t this great, her flight lands at 8/we’ll have fun, wine and dine/in due time we’ll rewind. That wasn’t what happened. It was more like:
Who you be? Where you dey? Who dey come? Where him from? Wetin him talk? Who dey yan? Who dey hala? Who dey maga? WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce) WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce), WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (To all my enemies) WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce) WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (Bounce), WAKA, WAKA, WAKA (To all dem bad belle people dem). (Word to Ruggedy Baba). I guess you pretty much catch my drift?
It’s over now/boy you can stop your crying/it’s over now/there won’t be no denying/it’s over now/I swear she won’t hurt you again/you can wipe your tears away/it’s over now. You sure Danny Boy? Where’s your career gone anyhow?
Then, in the wake of all that, love attacked and rugby tackled me. Slammed my ass like Dwayne Johnson, rock bottom style.
Love lives in, strange places/it’s the obvious that never shows. (Damn right Kelly Ro) It was great but not well thought out. I won’t say it crashed, it just hibernated. While it may not reboot, in truth, she’s an angel. A blessing I hope I do not misuse. GOD bless the child.
Now I’m single but unavailable. That is to say, I will mingle, as I am female’s favorite flavor of Pringles (all na rhyme) but the only ball and chain I’m dealing with is a Spalding and dog tag. Apply within.
Work
So, I say I’m going to quit work, right cuz it ain’t working for me and I want to start 2007 on a clean slate but everybody and their mama (who hates their job by the way) says I should tough it out and I am stuck in my ways until one voice of reason makes sense of it all, so I save the resignation letter in “My Documents”. So come January 10, it’s announced that GOAL! The paper I work for is being cancelled. This was inevitable but I figured we had till March at least. Guess I was wrong. Company says not to worry, everybody will be reshuffled, taken care of, blah di blah. So, everybody says Chi chi’s going to marketing right, just a matter of time. I take a well earned vacay (to my bedroom) cuz Christmas was spent marrying and await the day. Then I’m told I have a check. Okay. Apparently, new GM (maybe not him though as the words “powers that be” were used) felt a woman would be better suited for the position because of True Love. Remember I am Mr. True Love by the way but it’s all good. It is what I wanted at the end of the day and I got paid too but the sad part is, regardless of what it is, how it all works out etc. being let go, you know, not being wanted, what’s that phrase again “surplus to requirements” sucks ass whichever way you look at it. The fact that I didn’t leave when I wanted to gives them one up on me. Fookers. But as they say, every disappointment is a blessing. More appropriately maybe, once in a while, you just need a kick in the ‘nads to come back to your senses.
So what am I doing now? I’m a Media Whore! If it’s media/entertainment and the price is right, I’ma do it. Still write for True Love and have done work for some as-yet-un-launched publications. Some existing ones have inquired. Been unofficially approached to head a record label (heard yesterday that I already do actually). Some work with Storm Records may happen. I’m a radio sidekick to the Wild Child on Rhythm 93.7FM (he stoops to conquer). Still fighting with scripts. Working on a few music artistes (self included). My T-Shirt hustle is in it’s infancy. Pimping my photographer (Taurean) & designer (Zebra) girls. A few things lined up. Quicker – and more – than I expected as well. So ya boy is doing it. Slowly but surely. And I cannot turn my back on my blogspot (nor hi5) families AND NO I WILL NOT JOIN FACEBOOK!
So, did you make it this far? Well done. As you can see I am upbeat and sincerely apologize for abandonment. Let’s hope I can hit you up at least every other week for now until I sort my ish out. Just an aside, I should hopefully attend the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria Beauty Pageant tonight. We’ll see how that goes.
Life is what you make it.
I’m focused man
And that new outlook on life…
Blog Marley out like the drunkard in the picture!
My word is BOND in 2-007!
WE BACK BABY!!!
PS - Were you singing along to all my lyrics in there? Don't lie now!
